"Hey Bud, let me introduce you to someone I've just met. That
is…um…I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"
Embarrassing? No, that's too small a word!
Take heart! Unless you're one of a small number of people
worldwide suffering from prosopagnosia, a neurological
condition rendering a person incapable of recognizing faces in
spite of having good eyesight, then the following steps will
save you the embarrassment of ever forgetting anyone's name
again.
A Personal Story from Bud
Haney
Almost everyone struggles with remembering the names of people.
I was helped when I learned that if you have empathy for people,
you will have an easier time remembering their names. I think I
learned this principle by observing Jim Sirbasku in action. Jim
used to have a problem remembering names because his "E" was
bigger than his "EM." Here's what I mean: When he met people,
his focus was on himself, or his ego, which I call the "E." Jim
was more focused on "telling" people than he was on "learning"
from people. I decided the way to help Jim start remembering
names was to remind him to "Use your EM (empathy), not your big
E." It was my way of reminding him to pay attention to people's
names and what they did, and put his ego aside.
The biggest payoff for learning to remember people's names is
the embarrassment you avoid. This chapter is full of ideas to
help you improve your memory when it comes to recalling the
names of the people you meet.
1. Switch Off the Internal
Dialogue
As you're reading this strategy, take a moment to examine what
else is flying around in your mind. It's no different in social
or business situations where you're meeting people for the first
time. Instead of focusing solely on the person you're meeting,
your mind is filled with snatches of other concerns flying
through it: "…mmm, the food looks good…when she's finished
speaking, I'm going to say…" With all of that internal
dialogue, it should come as no surprise that you find yourself
embarrassed to have "forgotten" someone's name. In reality, you
just didn't bother to try to remember it in the first place.
Become conscious of your internal dialogue and make a conscious
effort to focus your attention exclusively on the external
dialogue. Every time you find yourself drifting inward, step
out. Stay external – prepare to remember.
2. Listen
Hey, come back! Just because I'm repeating Rule #1 of good
communication, a rule you've had hurled at you time after time,
don't ignore this key element. Good listeners rarely forget
names. Learn to listen actively by applying the next few steps
which focus your active listening engine. Then when a person's
name is introduced into the conversation, be sure to hear it!
3. Bury the New Name in Your
Memory
First, repeat it in a sentence. Plain and simple everyday
courtesy phrases like, "It's a pleasure to meet you,
Marie" will do it. This has two effects: it puts
the name immediately into your short-term memory and it makes
the new person feel good – most people love the sound of their
own name. If it's an unusual name, ask her to spell it: "Is
that N-I-L-G-U-N?" This implants it even deeper in your
memory and builds further rapport. Finally, think about the name
itself. Does it sound like anything else? Is there any way you
can make a memorable association? Names like Wood, Holly, Marsh,
Guinness, or Green are made for memorable association. If
there's no obvious association, then consider what their names
sound like: McCann (My Can), Harrison (Hairy Son), Kendall
(Candle). The process of trying to make these connections helps
to bury names further in your memory.
4. Make Eye Contact
When meeting someone, look at him. Make eye contact and smile.
Imagine the name of your new acquaintance is written in big
luminous letters across her forehead. Then observe: What makes
her face interesting and different? Has she a parting in her
hair or a gap in her teeth? Eyebrows that meet? A long nose? You
don't have to stare them out to do this effectively. All of this
can be picked up in a few quick glances, if you're prepared to
make the effort.
5. Bring it All Together
Finish the job of remembering them forever. You've got the name,
you've got some memorable association, and you've got some
distinguishing physical features. Now, construct a mental
picture for this person. Connect his or her unique physical
features with the name's association to create a picture that
will pop into your mind next time you meet. The sillier the
picture, the better.
This is an absolutely infallible system. Apply it and you'll
never forget someone again. With a little practice, this process
becomes so automatic and instantaneous that you will find a
mental picture pops into your head right away for every new
person you meet, ensuring that every new face and name is filed
away in your mental Rolodex. Forever.